The Epitomy of Drunkiness (Page 1 of 5)

Ya, I know, sorry about that, .I was pretty drunjk.

Sobering commencing.

Sobriety in

5...
4...
3...
2...
*ZAP*
Oh , son of a bitch

I have a 1/5th of Evan Williams to drink tonight, wooo, I'm gonna be one mean motherfucker.

Wow, that's bad ass. You rule

Shit, I know man, but thanks anyway for the reassurance.

I agree, straight whiskey isn't much good. Tastes okay in Pepsi, which is what we drank mostly.

I'm also pretty fond of whiskey and brandy in egg nog.

I prefer beer over most anything, which is what I'm drinking as we speak. But shit's about to get started with that Evan Williams.

dud fuckn preeach it. Imn lik prety fucksd up mysefl.

LOL YES!

I knew that...

I just wanted to make fun of Erik

Ya, that's it.

Seriously? OMG NO WA. I never would have guessed...

Man last night was a fucking blast. My friend Jacob, his cousin had a wedding, so he invited William and me to the reception.

His sister got the party started by bringing us a 30 pack to the hotel room, where the three of us proceeded to get completely shit faced in a matter of about 30 minutes. Then we went back down to the hall where they were having the reception. While everyone was giving their sob stories and farewell speeches we were getting trashed, so we missed all that bullshit.

The party was just getting started as we got there, and I swear to god I must have gotten numbers from like 10 different 23 year olds, who all were buying me alcohol. I told them all that I was a sophomore in college studying sociology, works every time. Little did they know I was only 17. Hey, fuck them though, the facial hair kicks mad ass.

Anyways, I did end up getting kicked out because I stole the microphone from the DJ and sent a thanks out to "all the babes buying drinks for me and my home boys"

So then I went back to the room, got in the Jacuzzi with no water, smoked a cigar and passed out, which is where today begins. In a jacuzzi, with a 7 and 7 in one hand and a cigar in the other, in my boxers, with the worst head ache ever. I stood up, threw up in the tub, and then walked down stairs to eat breakfast. I was drunk until like 11 AM, then I went home and slept until about 8 tonight. Well, before we went home we snuck into the kitchen where they make all the food and I left them a little present. Nobody was in there. And I'm sure you all know what big ice machines look like? Well of course you have to have something to scoop the ice out of the machine.

I pretty much took a shit in the scooper, then set it back up on top of the machine. Then I wiped my ass with all their clean hand towels. Man, I can't wait until somebody is like "Oh, I need ice", then proceeds to grab the scooper, scoop out some ice, empty it into a bucket, and find a nice fat peice of shit. God, that would violate so many health regulations. I wouldn't be surprised if they have to shut down the entire restuarant.

Anyways, my weekend kicked balls, what about you guys?

Yeah, the ice scoop shit was a little excessive, but... It's not like I can go and fix it now. Even if I did take the turd out of the scooper I'd have to sanitize everything.

It's probably better that the turd is left there, so that they know to clean everything. Otherwise they WOULD continue to scoop ice, with shit residue left on the scooper for god knows how long.

Are you for real?!

If so, I wanna be like you when i grow up!

The user formerly known as Chalupacabra
scientology

I'm gonna be fucked up in a little while, and one of you bastids better be on here for me to exchange drunken conversation with.

THAT MEANS YOU, ERIK!!

Cool, I'll try to get on here around then.

We actually didn't even get very drunk last night. My friends pussed out on me and decided that the Jack and coke tasted gross. They didn't drink, so I didn't feel like it.

well since thsi thread is to report drunkess, I decided to type a little report. This was the3 first time I've nbeen drunk since I got outta high school and it was great. Cool catching up with all of my friends. I feel diszzy as the effects where off now, so i guess i'm gonna go to sleep. See you guys tommorow.

Man, Jack and I haven't hung out in a loooong time.

He's kicking my ass, I guess it's because we haven't hung out in a long time.

Sober up ya drunk.

Yes you.

Drunky Drunkenstein.

Not sure that this goes under this topic, but uh, since nobody else smokes weed it would be a boring thread.

Hahahaha!!! I"M HIGH AS FUCK!

Im high. High on life.

Yea you heard me. Its this thing called life. Get high on it.

Yeah no shit. He had a bad ass bedroom, too.

Didn't he have his own deck over looking a lake or some shit?

So I may be the local drunk, but whatever, I can still type mediocre.

Tonight was fun, I rode around with this kid I work with. he has a 2004 Mitsibushi Galant, you know, the four person sedans, the old person cars. Anyways this motherfucker has a supercharger on a 3.0 V6 and it hauls ASS. We're riding around all night trying to find someone decent to race, and I'm drunk as shit. The cops in this town would love nothing more than to pull over someone with drunk people in their car.

We are finally racing somebody that has something decent in their car, we pull onto the four lane devided highway and we get pulled over first thing, oh shit, his light weren't on, how retarded is that. I tell him to roll down all the windows so we don't get caught, we make it, Hurrah for the drunken thinking skills.

Then we go back to where everybody is hanging out, oh shit, nobody wants to race because we just got pulled over, even though we have a $500 radar detector in the car, no way are we getting caught by radar.

So we get a friend of mine to hop in the car to show off how fast it is, well shit, the motherfucker backs into another car, so now the cops are coming to file a report.

FUCK THAT SHIT I'M OUT OF HERE i"M DRUNk!!!!!!

I hop a ride with a friend and get back to my house, and that's where the story ends, he says he is coming over later to tell me the rest of it, I guess we are about to find out how the night ends, but I am still scared as fuck because of our local drinking laws. I hate this fucking Baptist community.

I'll let you guys know how it turns out later.

And yes, I have had 13 beers and I can still type this good, damn I'm good.

I didn't drink last night, sorry that I let you down. Tonight I plan on getting smashed.

Man, try going to college classes like that. Zoology lab was particularly bad because we dissected squid or something that day...

Yeah, I'm home from the BFE for a few days of rest. Getting up at 4:30 sucks...

That's Nothing, try driving a shit faced girl back to the place she's staying, then falling asleep in her room and being stuck at her place, cuz she has your car.  I have no idea when the bitch is getting back, nor what she looks like

I didnt want to bone her, she had vomit all over her.  And its not that bad, she's paid for me to eat, watch tv, and everything else today, but she wont be back till 10.  The car stolen part does piss me off though

Bet she puked in the car too.

Sounded like you missed a good fuck. Sorry for your loss.

I've learned my leson from screwing random chicks who are drunk.  Thank god she had it cleaned.  She told me she threw up in it, but i dont remember that.

Wow this whole weekend was like a drunken blur.

Starting Friday night we had five 30 packs, we drank them all, I woke up at like 5 PM Saturday evening, ate breakfast/dinner and then started drinking again, I just woke up, and I think I'm going to eat and go to bed again.

What do you mean during the school year?

For the first semester we usually only party Friday night, because we have football practice Sunday afternoon... Well not really practice, we just meet up, watch the film from Friday's game, and then lift weights and run, but it sucks if you're hung over.

Old post, but 15 a quarter? Jesus christ, I have to pay 40, 45 if I am getting taxed, and that is for merch.

Lucky bastard.

I don't like the taste of beer. I need to be drunk before I can drink the stuff.

You're shitten me!  Thats so fuckin' crazy.  How is life in the ozarks

I dont play any sports, but it am in the band.  Yes you can laugh at me all you want, but i play guitar for them.  Paragould is boring as all shit.  But its close enough to Jonesboro that it doesnt really matter.  Wow, Mountain Home.  No wonder your drunk all the time

I have nothing against MH.  We have Jonesboro by us and thats about it.  Thats where I spned most of my time.  I get to go to many concerts because of Memphis and thats pretty cool.

I'll be fucked up in a little while.

And i am talking to you on MSN as you are drunk! Fun times are to be had by all!!!

0_o .... What?

You were demanding that i get everquest in quite a fervor. You seemed to get angry about it too.

Otherwise you were okay, although i swear it seemed like you fell asleep at your keyboard a few times.

I had two girls last night.... and was wasted by 8:30.  Its the same time today, and i'm wasted again!!!!  Fuck Ya!  I love Beer!!!!

haha, you're so wasted when you type nowadays that i dont even understand what u just wrote... That's fuckin' Sweet

That is what's called Tucker Max Drunk.

haha, now that is the sign of a true drunk... nows heres the important question, Were you dressed?

HAHAHAHA ARE YOU GOING TO BAND CAMP?!?!?!

FUCK LIKE 26 GIRLS FOR ME!!!!

I'm just kidding, have fun.

I'm the sempiternal designated driver.

“One of the most prominent icons of modern day Christianity, the Crocoduck is capable of dispelling all arguments in favor of Atheism and Darwinism simply by not existing. Its sworn enemy is the platypus, which, in harsh contrast, is capable of proving god does not exist by existing.”

Yes Erik, I'm at band camp.  Laugh all you want, theres enough pussy for me here to last me a life time.  It is fuckin great!!!!!!  I've already picked the 26 i want to do.  2 of them are from your town.  Yes.... I will have fun

Don't laugh, we really do have sex here.  Its fuckin awesome

I play guitar, never joined a band. I don't think I know anybody around here who plays drums or bass or anything that goes with guitar.

Whish I did though. I've always wanted to be in a band.

Listen to Pink Floyd, they're the best during these situations

Hey You, Wish you Were Here... I love Pink Floyd so much, just download them all

ELO rocks.

“One of the most prominent icons of modern day Christianity, the Crocoduck is capable of dispelling all arguments in favor of Atheism and Darwinism simply by not existing. Its sworn enemy is the platypus, which, in harsh contrast, is capable of proving god does not exist by existing.”

hmm never heard of this "ELO" but i dont like pink floyd either, im into things with a lot of screaming and heavy riffs... anything that will make my neighbors ears bleed

Holy jesus, one of my friends is allergic to tequilla... i didnt even know that was possible.

HOLY SHIT MAN THAT SUCKS!  But this is really werid.... I think its only this brand of tequilla.  Is that normal.  Being allergic to one type but not another?

Your lucky if you not allergic to any thing.  I'm allergic to bananas.  It sucks ass

I hate bananas with a passion. They taste nasty to me on their own but in smoothies they own.

Neither am I. I'm all about the vodka!

On the bright side, though, I started my first batch of beer last night. When my roommate gets back, we'll become high-class brewmasters and act as pretentious as possible.

If it does, I'll be the next Sam Adams microbrew fucker who makes it big.

If we ever get labels, we're calling that brew "Road Soda" It's an inside joke, but very appro-po.

Im allergic to nicotine specifically. Might as well be tobacco... there is hardly any tobacco that doesnt have nicotine.

You are like a frail little bubble boy.

Me too, Brotha. I feel your pain.

Topher Grace!

“One of the most prominent icons of modern day Christianity, the Crocoduck is capable of dispelling all arguments in favor of Atheism and Darwinism simply by not existing. Its sworn enemy is the platypus, which, in harsh contrast, is capable of proving god does not exist by existing.”

I hate $1 beer night!  I hate working on those nights!  Have fun at your party!  You deserve it before school starts

I work at a local Pizza joint in town.  Its awesome, execpt on $1 night!  Drunken people grabing for your ass is not fun!  Unless they tip well....

Friday and Sunday if the Packers are playing at home!  I love the Green Bay Packers!!!!!!!!!

Thats my school colors.  In fact, last pep rally, they made one side of the football field scream green and the other gold.  Well, mischievous me got our side to scream testicles, then purple, then testicles and alternated till the crazy guy on the megaphone stopped.  Not the first time I did this.

My school colors are blue and yellow.... GO HAWKS!!!!!!  YEAH!

You're freaking me out.  Thats my school's mascot!!!

Green! Testicles! Green! Purple! Green! Testicles!

No.. that would be the Bulldog.

The Bulldog was the mascot of my Private school. LOL

“One of the most prominent icons of modern day Christianity, the Crocoduck is capable of dispelling all arguments in favor of Atheism and Darwinism simply by not existing. Its sworn enemy is the platypus, which, in harsh contrast, is capable of proving god does not exist by existing.”

I have to say that school spirit was something i never took a part in. Especially going to a christian school where "school spirit" was the "holy ghost" . I showed my school spirit in the most meaningful way possible. I never went to games ( they should thank me for my lack of presence ) and i never supported the football team. Even when i was on it. The only team i liked was the Basketball team ( which i was on for 3 years AT MY SIZE ) and that is because the coach didn't care about us winning as a basketball team. We simply played our best and had fun. Games were like schefuled fun with an audience.

Track and Field was cool too. I was a discus thrower. There is nothing like throwing something that weighs up to 10 lbs up to 40 ft away. I never said we were that great but it was damn fun. More fun than throwing rocks. And if you were a discuss thrower the coach would retrieve the disc for you. Your job was to concentrate on form and distance.

Anyways. Back to School Spirit. School Spirit is for people with a school they like. I never had that. And i enjoyed education, but i never liked the schools. No school pride for me. Nope. No siree.